Mother's Day: from a wild weed to a corn chip need

The need to safeguard the world's supply of ketchup doritos is clear. In the latest threat to ketchup doritos, Valentine's day bouquet's of ketchup doritos roses are sold out, leaving the world with nothing but a DIY guide they left on the barren site of blooming ketchup doritos roses. One can only wonder about the days gone past when fields of ketchup doritos grew wildly and flourished in their natural environment, a time when the world was full of ketchup doritos, a world without these shortages and threats to the hearts and chips of the ketchup doritos loving world.
Now, with Mother's Day on the horizon, and stocks almost replenished, the threat has come again. Already, sales of ketchup doritos rose bouquets are outselling the flower, and why wouldn't they? Roses are ephemeral and all too soon thrown into the garbage bin or left to wither and die in the vase as a shadow of their former self. The only consolidation is their use as compost in the garden thereafter or hair-sprayed for preservation as if the receiver will never be the one to receive them again. Doritos are a steadfast product, tested to last for years unchanged on the shelf. YEARS! 
Prepare for the next event!


[Ed. note: This article was championed by our new investigative reporter, Matthew Anderson]